Love for the fallen
by Whastmyname
Summary: Lieutenant of 13th squad is lost in her little world, barely coping with her feelings and everyday life but soon her brother appears and that starts to change everything..
1. Chapter 1

„I know." He replied pretending he is not hearing tone of your voice.  
>„So?"<br>„You need me."  
>You sighed and just turned your head from him, gently putting it on your left knee, as your right leg was slowly but steadily swinging over the empty space. You were sitting on one of the rooftops in Seireitei and watching the stars. For the 15th time this month, if you counted right. Place that usually nobody visited at night as it was on the very edge, just next to the great wall.<br>"I think I wanna be alone."  
>"I don't think you do."<br>"Do you have an answer to everything I say? Can't you just keep your mouth shut for once?" you snapped at him and instantly regret it. He was only trying to help, you knew that, but nevertheless you really didn't want his, or anyone's at that matter, company. "Im sorry Ryou." His reiatsu was hidden, as yours, so you couldn't read any emotions from it, but you had very good guess he didn't take it lightly. "I really am." Starts were looking so bright tonight. 'I could almost touch them.' After a moment of silence, something furry grazed at your lower hand, and you knew he forgive you.  
>"Tell me what is bothering you?"<br>"I don't really want to." 'Do I?' Quick glance to Ryou's direction and you saw his green eyes firmly looking at you, and as few times before you knew he wouldn't leave before you tell him what is on your mind. "You really know to be pain in the ass sometimes." You whined a little. "I don't know what's exactly wrong Ryou." Sigh left your mouth as you close your eyes for an instant. "But I feel.." 'How do I feel exactly?' "I snapped at Renji today again. Big time."  
>"Did he do something to you?"<br>"No, he was just being regular self. But I couldn't stand it, I couldn't stand one more joke on my account. I said some really mean things to him." Guilt that was following you whole day started to cause headache. "But he hit in spot he shouldn't." you added quickly to justify what you have done but Ryou didn't need that, he knew you well enough.  
>"If you know you're wrong, why don't you go and apologize?"<br>"I don't think-"  
>"Just go there first thing in the morning and explain how you feel."<br>"I don't think he will forgive me. I really stepped the line, and he must be sick and tired of me yelling at him. I really fucked up this time. And while we're at it" quiet giggle left your lips as picture started to form in your head. "I doubt that his captain would be happy to see me there." 'Me? Who is that anyway? That Ukitake's lieutenant… What's her name…' Thing Ryou and you didn't see is that Byakuya was behind the corner listening to you two. First impulse he has when he heard your voice was to just continue walking, but you mentioned Renji and for some to him unknown reason he stop to listen. As he was taking long walk home this night and didn't want to be disturbed by anyone he did the same thing as you with this reiatsu so there was no way for you two to notice he was there.

"You can't keep going like this Kiyomi."

"Like what? I'm just fine Ryou." You laughed at loud, somehow forcing happy face and smile out of you, even you didn't know where you got the strength to do that. "I'm just fine." One more quick giggle and repeating the line to make yourself believe it.  
>'Oh yes. Sasake Kiyomi.' For some reason Byakuya knew the way you laugh. Probably from time you spent with Renji in their barracks, but what was bothering him now is why he knew that. Why does he know the sound of your laughter?<p>

"Stop that crap once and for all. You acting and false smile doesn't work on me. You should have realized that long time ago." 'But who is that?' cold voice was talking to you, cold and empty but in a way still encouraging and fulfilling every word he said.

"I know." You admitted unwillingly, "But sure as hell works on other people."  
>"Like who?" sarcasm was flowing from Ryou.<br>"Like… Well, all the other people."  
>"That's not true." Your head spin to him. "Look for example Renji, whom you insulted today-"<br>"Thanks for the reminder." You murmured.  
>"He usually realizes what you are doing but pretends he doesn't see it. Like you do for him when he is having really bad day, you just let him keep his 'happy face' on with no questions."<br>"But-"  
>"And don't say to me he doesn't do that. I know cause you know, cause you saw, just don't want to admit it to yourself." You kept quiet and turn your glare back to the stars. This conversation didn't make you feel any better at all. Silence took place for a while, and next time Ryou grazed upon your hand as a sing to speak further you just bluntly say what was on your mind in that moment.<br>"I wish I was more like Kuchiki-taichou." Picture of his cold eyes and never changing attitude towards everything allured little smile. "He keeps his thoughts in line and doesn't make a fool of himself every time he speaks. He wouldn't do that to Renji." You finished softly as Ryou replied that instant.  
>"You want to be like him? If he doesn't show his feeling it doesn't mean he doesn't have them. Who knows what is going on in his life, or thoughts, as he never speaks to anyone about it. Don't fool yourself, Kiyomi, that man has his cross to bear, and from where I stand, it is a big one." Byakuya already stepped out to say something, to ask why you talk about him behind his back, to ask for simple explanation, maybe punishment, but something in Ryou's words stopped him. Something in his voice, so clear and simple. So true maybe.<p>

You shrugged a little still not looking at Ryou and continued with thick pinch of pain in your stomach. "Maybe you're right but even if that is the case, he has a perfect mask. I don't know, Ryou. I don't know anything anymore. I feel lost. I…" wind was playing with your hair and you pulled your hands little more into already to big sleeves. "I don't know what do to. I don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore."  
>"Cause of Kiyoshi?"<br>"Maybe." Your eyes were still admiring the sky without any usual habit of searching your surroundings. "Forget it, ill be just fine tomorrow. It was a long day." In next moment you were standing on the edge of that roof looking over Seireitei. "And you shouldn't come out anymore if I don't ask you." Cold voice was still softened with undertone of thanking him for being here tonight. Yes, Ryou was right, you needed someone by your side, and one of your big problems was that you couldn't admit it to anyone.  
>"Just promise me you'll apologize to Renji in the morning."<br>"Don't bother me Ryou. Seriously." 'Apologize? But how? What to say so I can undo things I've said?'  
>Next thing Byakuya heard was Ryou's icy voice. "I wont leave until you promise. You know its for your own good." 'Who is that man? And why am I standing here and listening to them?' His pride and common sense started to work again and if he could he would curse out loud his foolishness of this past few moments. He was above that. He was noble and Taichou of one of the Divisions, it was nothing like him to do this. As he stepped behind the corner to continue his earlier broken walk home, young shinigami appeared few steps in front of him. Her long dark hair followed body movement as she alight with one knee and hand on the ground. In second she gracefully stood up, and something small jumped to her arms. "I promise then Ryou. And thank you." As she walked away from him still unaware of his presence, Byakuya was sure, it was lieutenant of 13th squad, Sasake Kiyomi.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

"Enter." Someone was knocking on your door. You were standing with your back to them, looking through window and enjoying warm sun rays on your skin. It was pretty early, to early actually for anyone than night guards to be there, but as you couldn't sleep anyway that night you decided to come here. Your office, if nothing made you feel safe and you just had to think of a way of apologizing to Renji. As you turned around shock passed through your body and you weren't able to keep it from showing. "Renji…" He was standing there, with few pieces of paper in his left hand as other was unconsciously scratching back of his neck. "Kuchiki taichou send me to give you these." His voice was unusually formal and it hurted you more than you thought, he was your best friend after all. Maybe one and only. "Kuchiki taichou…?" Renji uninterestedly shrugged and put the stack on your desk. You were still unable to move. This was your chance to say something but he pulled away from you too quickly, with goodbye said little over a whisper and soon the door was closed once again. 'I blowed it up.' You mentally slapped yourself and start to run. There was no way in hell you will let this pass like this, you screwed it up and you will do all that you can to make it right again.  
>"Wait please." You whispered as you grab Renji's sleeve and pulled him over to you. Two of you were standing in the middle of your division barracks. Before he could say anything, as you saw he was trying to, you said the only thing you could. There was no right way to make this okay or at least you didn't know one. "Im sorry Renji, im so so sorry." You were fighting to stand his gaze. "I fucked up yesterday big time, and Im sure you're really sick of all my crap and me and all of that.." you eyes searched the floor a little but soon you get them back to his, still holding his hand. "I don't know what to say or do to make what I said better, or make you forgive me and all I can do is apologize, but if you give me one more chance I swear I will try not to yell at you anymore." He was just looking at you, silently, obviously evaluating your words and you, thinking what to do, or what to say next. At least you were praying that.<br>"Fine." He said and your eyes widened a little seeing huge smile stretching on his face.  
>"Fine?" You repeated with blank expression and Renji laughed a little. "Yea, but you must buy me lunch at least." Words he said weren't coming really to your head. 'He forgave me? Just like that?' "Lunch. Yes."<br>Renji's smile start to vanish as he looked at you little more. "'Re you 'kay Kiy-" In next moment you were hugging him. Or at least tried to. He was taller and bigger than you and no matter you were standing on your toes you couldn't hug him properly. "Thank you." As you moved away from him in next second, blushing from thing you just did your eyes met his just to see this shocked expression, more even than your was when he walked in. It wasn't everyday he saw you hugging people. Actually, he never saw you show any affection to him or any other human being around you. "Yea…" Your eyes frowned a little to him as you start to walk away to your office, still trying to hide your face. "Lunch then. Ill pick you up at some time." Soon, you were again safe in your office, staring blankly to papers he brought, and waiting for your Captain to come.

Something was wrong. Well, not really wrong but didn't fit. Why was Renji up so early in the morning, and why did he himself bring you those papers, it was something that any unseated shinigami could do. Yes, his captain liked to torture him with lot of paperwork, but still… Flow of your thoughts was interrupted as you sense your captain reiatsu coming closer. In a moment you stood up to go greet him, he entered your office.  
>"Taichou! I was just on my way to see you." you rushed over to him, mentally slapping yourself for waiting too long and forcing him to come here. That wasn't something he is suppose to do.<br>"Relax Kiyomi. I was passing by and just came to see if you're here." He softly smiled as he raised his hands in peace manner.  
>"Why wouldn't I be?" 'Really why? It wasn't your day off.'<br>"Well, your reiatsu is hidden." That smile didn't leave his lips. "But I should've probably get used to it already." You just now realized it was true, it was like that since morning, but again, you weren't too sure you how much of your feelings can be read from it and you didn't want to show the whole world what you were hiding. So most of the times you keep it hidden.  
>"Im sorry Taichou." You apologized no matter even you didn't know what for, still standing in the middle of the room, with Ukitake leaning on your doorframe. Awkward.<br>"There is nothing to apologize for." He waved his head holding his smile still up and you were happy to see him like this. On the days he wasn't sick, he really made you feel better just by talking to you. "No matter people say you should have been in 2nd squad…"  
>"Excuse me?" It was first time you hear it, someone is saying something about you. 2nd squad? But that are secret ops… what?<br>"Aha" he giggled. "Under captain Fong. Because of all your sneaking to people and hiding your reiatsu." Your eyebrows couldn't stay in their place. 'Sneaking?'  
>"I don't sneak to people." Tone of your voice was very similar to few years old child who is stubbornly fighting something he knows he cant win.<br>"But you do hide your reiatsu." He offered peace cause he knew you long enough and that you wouldn't leave it alone. You sighed in return, still feeling uncomfortable, but with no explanation.  
>"Is there anything special you want me to do today Taichou?" Changing the subject as always when someone got little too close of 'inner' you. He kept his smile but his eyes changed, although so little that anyone except you would hardly notice, but in your mind one of your duties was to know your captain. Still, there was nothing in this world that would make you spill your thoughts to him, not that you didn't want it, but you see it utterly unfit. He was your taichou after all, and no matter how close relationship you had, closer than Renji and Byakuya for example, and you knew he wasn't the man that would turn you down if you come to him with problems, you didn't never say a word. There was no point in worrying him more, as he was sick already.<br>"No, just usual. Why? You need day off?" You had to laugh a little on that. It was every few months he offered you day off, or afternoon, and you reject the offer every time. There was nothing more important for you do to anyway than your job, everything else could wait.  
>"Aa. I was just thinking of going to lunch with Renji…"<br>"Oh, you and Renji… I see." Ukitake smiled as you little hysterical waved your head.  
>"Not in that way! Just as a friends."<br>"Sure, Kiyomi."  
>"But Taichou-"<br>"Have nice lunch then." He winked and before you could answer he left. 'Great. Now he thinks me and Renji… Just great.'

'Is that... It cant be. Kiyoshi? Is that my-'  
>"Kiyomi!" you snapped your head to Renji.<br>"What? Why are you yelling?" You saw few people who were passing buy to turn their heads to you two.  
>"You spaced out. 'r you fine? What the hell was that?"<br>"I just thought I saw someone." you waved your head and start walking pulling him with you.  
>"So you have to stop and look like a zombie?" If you didn't knew him well enough to see that this was some his strange way of saying he was worry, you would probably slap him for yelling at you.<br>"Just go, I still own you lunch and we are running you of time." Talk of food would definitely change the flow of his thoughts. You were right and now he was leading the way, almost running. 'Bah, Renji and food.' You mentally grinned.  
>"Well, if you didn't act as-"<br>"COME ON Renji! Not this again, we were here last week!"  
>"Shut up! You pay, I choose if I remember correctly." You had very good argument and idea of leaving him there, to stand like an idiot in front of his favorite restaurant, but he was right. It was just the start of your way of making full apology and you kept your mouth shut.<br>"Chili again…" You couldn't help but sigh. "So lets do it already."


End file.
